Oh yeah, one more

7.) Old people get riled up if things don't go their way. I mean really pissed. Step offa that!

Lessons you can only learn on Saturday night

Today has indeed been a learning day and, to a greater extent, tonight has been a learning night. Here are some of the lessons I've learned:

1.) You haven't really been in a city until you see someone vomit (or come close to it) on public transportation.

2.) In a related note, a good pick-up tactic for the girl on the go is to either get blitzed (or feign as much) and sit down on public transportation next to a bloak that you fancy. If he's valorous and helps you, he's a keeper. Vomit on his expensive shirt and get his number so you can pay for the dry cleaning. If he ignores, points at or sneers at you, he's not worth it. He won't be there for you during the rough patches.

3.) I will never get a normal man. Ever. Last night I made someone who is dumb as a post fall asleep. (Only after he repeatedly called me "nice". But apparently he liked me...) Tonight some how-old-is-this-guy? was cruising me at a wine bar; he basically offered to give me a "tour" of Norwich then decided three minutes after meeting me that I have what it takes to be a big city girl.

4.) Getting kicked in the ankle hurts like hell.

5.) Your friends follow you everywhere you go. Tonight I saw the equivalent of British Tim Jones, except he looked more like Moby. But he was quite fashionable and rolled his own cigarettes. It was fun to reminisce in his presence, though I didn't actually talk to him so as not to ruin the illusion.

And last but certainly not least...

6.) There are black people in Norwich! I saw two of them!

Brushin' up on my smarts

In New York this summer, I was told by one of the most successful and lovely people I know to read the New York Times every day. While I admit that it took me a while to appreciate this advice, I grow more and more enthralled by this fine publication every day. While I am unabashedly driven by the desire to write "fluff" for some entertainment magazine like Us Weekly or People, nothing beats "real news" when you're educating yourself on the many sides of America and the world in general.

So, today and every day I have tried to visit the NY Times site and, if nothing else, peruse the 25 Most E-mailed Articles, which is a nice sampling of Op-Ed, Politics, Health and whatever ends-and-odds you might be interested. (It's been especially important to keep my finger on the pulse of America, it seems, while I am abroad.) I have also taken up the habit of bookmarking articles of interest, leaving them to be read for an indiscriminate amount of time. Well today, as Eminem would say, "I'm cleaning out my closet." I have read many (though by no means all) of those articles waiting to be read and have in the process learned a few things.

1.) The American Society for Self-Esteem is headquartered in Normal, Illinois. Save us all!

2.) Food products like Oreo market counting books wherein learning is based on eating up to 10 Oreos at a time. Yay for the excesses that America so ironically teaches its children... She may be morbidly obese, but DAMN can she count!

3.) The ACLU does take kindly to the fact that Bush has been trying to increase Executive Branch power by conducting secret, guilty-until-proven-innocent trials recently. And dad says that Democrats are the gestapo!

4.) Al Gore, shockingly, doesn't agree with Bush's foreign policy. He may be a robot, but he knows his shit: "In the immediate aftermath of Sept. 11, more than a year ago, we had an enormous reservoir of good will and sympathy and shared resolve all over the world," Mr. Gore said. "That has been squandered in a year's time and replaced with great anxiety all around the world, not primarily about what the terrorist networks are going to do, but about what we're going to do."

5.) We may not be able to mess with Texas, but they certainly can mess with anything and everything concerning what is and forever will be known as America.
a.) On the one hand, Texas is the 2nd biggest purchaser of text books in America -- 2nd only to California. This apparently grants them the right to dictate what history we will pass down to coming generations and how we will tell it. They want to downplay Kennedy's positive actions for Civil Rights and play up the right to bear arms in the Constitution. Good stuff.
b.) Of secondary note, we have our pseudo-cowboy president, who embraces American foreign policy with the ridiculously machismo gusto of a Middlebury football player.
Remind me not to sleep next door to Texas.

And so, these are a few of my thoughts. I'm sure there are several I have forgotten, but at least I've got the rusty gears of my brain working for a moment. Now I'm off to a movie! How's that for retrograding positive progress. (Does it help that it's British, and I have to wrap my brain around the Midlands accent?)

Putting men to sleep and turning them gay. Thank you , ladies and gentlemen, these are my talents. I'm here all week.

Eyes on the prize...

Here's some more tips for Operation Manhunt. (In case you can't tell, I love personality quizzes and I want a little sumpin', sumpin' whilst on this side of the pond!)

You scored 40% Fire
You want someone who is ambitious, ardent and active. You don't like hesitant men - you like a man who'll take a chance and make the first move. Impatiently passionate, you need someone who will show you a good time - and the world. You have a good chance of finding happiness with an Aries, Leo or Sagittarius man.

You scored 40% Air
You're turned on by a man's intellect and sense of humour more than his money or fine physique. You desire a mate who will match you wit for wit and keep you up talking all night. Air Signs prefer to keep things light and even, so if you want love that's playful, you'll be most turned on by a Gemini, Libra or Aquarius mate.

P.S. I scored.

This one's for you, Tim Jones!

Jitterbug
You put the boom boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your loving starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang bang bang till my feet do the same
If something's bugging you
If something ain't right
My best friend told me what you did last night
Left me sleeping in my bed
I was dreaming but I should have been with you instead

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not planning on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high

You put the grey skies out of my way
You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day
You turn a bright spark into a flame
My beats per minute never been the same
'Cause you're my lady I'm your fool
It makes me crazy when you act so cool
Come on baby lets not fight
We'll go dancing everything will be alright

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not planning on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high
yeah, yeah, yeah
jitterbug, jutterbug

Cuddle up baby move in tight
We'll go dancing tomorrow night
It's cold out there but its warm in bed
They can dance, we'll stay home instead
jitterbug

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not planning on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high

Helpful hints for anyone getting involved Mission "Get Me a Man" from ivillage.co.uk:

"You are quite the romantic idealist. You desire the perfect love, the kind where respect, harmony and co-operation blend seamlessly with attraction and passion. The kind of relationship you seek will be with someone who, on the surface, seems quite different from you. You may have quite dissimilar ways of manifesting your inner drives, but at your core, you share the same motivations regarding love, life, career, money, parenting - whatever issues are most important to both of you. This can be a union of transcendence of differences and a collaborative effort between two individuals toward a shared happiness. However, you and your partner must be careful not to become so wrapped up in your bliss that you alienate friends and family. Warnings aside, you prize love, harmony and understanding; you should seek out a partner whose Sun Sign forms a Trine to yours." [I wish I knew what those were...]

In other news, I learned this morning that it's a really good thing I never went to drama camp as a child. Acting exercises are my worst nightmare. Me wearing a pink sweater, jumping in indiscriminate directions, lunging my head down while going "ahhhhh.... ohhhhhh.... eeeeeee", throwing stones into the supposed distance and pantomime-chopping the air is not a pretty sight. Nonetheless, I am done with my class participation in Key Texts in Drama, and for that I am happy.

What does it mean when you have a "sexual" (for lack of a better word) dream about Eminem? What has the media done to me?! :-O

One moment I don't want to repeat

Today I sat back in horror (along with my other classmates) while my Hollywood Musical professor said, "This is what they would call the 'cum shot' in a porn film."

Other than that he's a lovely man, though... He wants me to call him Andrew. And he knows my name. A somewhat tainted but good start in general. Just 9 weeks from now we'll be watching Moulin Rouge and listening to Ewan McGregor's voice like fine, fine satin. Score and a half.

"I'm young & healthy, and you've got charm. It would really be a sin not to have you in my arms." - 42nd Street

So, apparently the secret to getting a grown man to cry (aside from my personal favorite -- the old classic -- kicking him in the balls) is to dress him up in drag, put him in close quarters with three unabashed homosexuals and give him a month to design a 15-minute cabaret act and try to pull it off.

Who'da thunk it?

Genius programming notion on behalf of the BBC. This and the narcolepsy documentary have definitely been the high points of British television thus far in my brief stay here.

Let's get interactive... and focus on ME!

So, in lieu of anything better, I thought I'd let you all sneak into my private vault of knowledge. It's a precious gift that I give you now... respect it.

Formalities aside, here will follow my review of Sex & the City for my Practical Journalism class. Read it, or don't... Love it, or don't... Critique it for me, or don't... but do note how I get all "literary in the beginning" -- yeah!

Sex Emphasizes Timing In Life, Relationships

In Euripides’s The Bacchae, Dionysus warns, “You rely on force; but it is not force that governs human affairs.” Sex & the City’s most recent episode similarly articulates that it is not effort but timing that dictates life.

Just as the elements of reality intersect, so do Sex’s impeccable character storylines in “The Big Time,” representing the transitions in a woman’s life both individually and communally.

Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) for once seems on the brink of perfection with Aidan (John Corbett). Unfortunately for Miss Bradshaw, ex-flame Mr. Big (Chris Noth) unexpectedly re-enters her life, threatening to disrupt her tenuous bond with Aidan. As Carrie’s life and relationships have always been purely happenstance, the perpetual dance with Big that once was exciting now casts a shadow on Carrie’s one chance at stability.

Sex’s resident maneater Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) feels the power that her femininity holds over her quite differently when she fears menopause is fast approaching. Samantha is the quintessential modern woman, acting fiercely and independently, but even she stumbles over her own femininity.

For once, she feels vulnerable and unwanted, so she succumbs to the advances of her terminally unhip neighbor, Len Schneider (Robert LuPone). After dinner Samantha sleeps with the lusty Len him to validate herself. With impeccable and ironic timing, she then gets her period and regains her confidence.

Charlotte (Kristin Davis), conversely, is the stereotypical bride-to-be. Announcing earlier in the season “I will get married this year!” Charlotte’s find her perfectly preppy male counterpart in Dr. Trey McDougal (played to the golf tee by Kyle McLachlan).

Early in the episode, Charlotte calls Trey “the one.” She believes that strict sexual control over Trey will foster his respect and love. The statement clearly branches out of Charlotte’s strategic take on marriage but has no bearing in the realities of relationships, particularly since Charlotte and Trey met by accident.

Charlotte considers it fate, but Sex’s resident cynicist Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), quickly dismisses such idealism. She explaining that men (e.g. Trey) are like taxis, and they are only “the one” when their metaphoric light is on. “They can drive around for years, and when they turn their light on, they’ll marry the next woman they pick up.” She adds, “It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.”

While Charlotte gingerly represents a two-dimensional innocence, Miranda tiptoes through the sensitive nuances of a serious relationship. This episode features Miranda’s last effort to loosen up and have faith in her endearing but childish partner Steve (David Eigenberg). Unfortunately, the Sex’s loyalty to realities of intimacy ultimately forces the inevitable disintegration of some relationships despite everyone’s best efforts.

Overall, the beauty of Sex & the City as a series lies appropriately in its timing as well as its ability to interweave thematic elements, verbal motifs and the idiosyncrasies of modern life without belaboring the point. With superb acting, the series improves each season as the ladies become increasingly vivid and learn to distinguish between impossible idealism and acceptable reality.

Ah-ya pregnant, love?

So, not to buzzkill my resplendent day, it was indeed tops, but a guy asked me tonight if I was pregnant (granted he was a drunken bum carrying a sleeping bag, but still...). And then when I said no, he persisted. That can be a real blow to the self-esteem parade, which is already severely damaged from being from Mtn. Brook, AL, and living in THE WORLD! Anyhow, I told him I was expecting twin girls... Might as well let him enjoy the fantasy.

So, now I'll be reconsidering the aesthetic benefits of my sparkly-boo jacket b/c apparently it makes me look pregnant.

Other than that, as I was walking out tonight, I happened a very Rear Window-ish gaze, seeing all sorts of lovely UEA students as they made their suppers. It was absolutely loverly and gave a definite heart to this college that I hadn't experienced yet. Then I went out and didn't in fact see jazz but in fact it was "folk," which amounts to what we Americans would call Celtic Music. I felt like I was being treated to a live performance of Celtic Moods. Niiiice, so niiiiiiiice.

And then I almost saw a boy's wee-wee (except for not really at all, but who's counting) on my walk back to the Village.

Glory of glories what a day it's been!

13 and Loving It

Some days are just giddy, giggly days. Today was one of those for me. Somewhere between the 3 hours of sleep and the 2-hour grammar refresher in Practical Journalism, I regressed back to 7th grade was overcome by a sense of light and fluffy-ness, which is a rare and beautiful thing for the pseudo-philosophical person that I tend to be.

It all started when one of the sentences was, "We compared Bernadette's writing with Tim's" (shout out to you two!). At the risk of sounding ridiculous, it reminded me that I have great friends, several of whom I've been able to have real conversations with, and talking in "real time" always cheers the heart. Anyhow, walking home from journalism, groceries in hand, I realized that I am indeed in a good place and having a good time.

On a related note, it is wonderful to just slip into a "deep", personal conversation with someone that you don't know all that well. It reminds you that you do have valid things to say and other people do want to hear them. I love it when we receive these signs just before the stress overcomes us.

Anyhow, I'm sounding like a hallmark card (or perhaps an Ardath Rodale book, if you're reading Cecilia), so I'll cut the schlock now, but it's lovely to have one of these days every once in a while. It's necessary. Now I'm going out for a night of jazz because I have friends, British ones!

Kisses.

Mix tape for the moment...

Holly Valance - Down Boy
Buzzcocks - What Do I Get?
Kylie Minogue - Love at First Sight
Danielle Brisebois - Everything My Heart Desires
Ryan Adams - Maybe Be Your Baby Tonight
White Stripes - Hotel Yorba
K's Choice - Favourite Adventure (The Wedding Song)
Lifehouse - Fool
Elvis - Teddy Bear
Vanessa Carlton - Ordinary Day
Toasters - DLTBGYD (Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down)
Anything by ABBA!

All probably accessible via Kazaa.

Conversations from the Edge

So, I've noticed that this blog is taking a turn for the (get out your quotin' fingers!) philosophical slash abysmal, so here's a lighter sumpin' sumpin':

Dana's words of wisdom --
dls2w: You go out there and get some British lovin'! **wink** Show 'em those beautiful teeth!

Mom's 'hip lingo' --
Lulupigg: So how was your night out last night?
Bellecherubio: pretty good; went to a play, then to the wine bar with Vicky & Em ... good times; not much of note
Lulupigg: no booty call?

So let this be a warning to all ye who converseth with me over IM: Your words are now the public domain!

In other news, Norah Jones is my new relaxation/ambient music goddess, and yes, I am still procrastinating by blogging as I do. I think I'll just make that noon deadline for turning in my review. I'm such a good student. o:-)

Timing is everything. Living in a foreign country that is 5 hours ahead of most of my friends, I've come across this fact pretty quickly. Also, as I sit here, typing and procrastinating so that I don't have to actually admit that school has begun again, I contemplate two very important lessons.

1.) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are wonderful. (As a soon-to-be single woman on a limited budget, I do indeed feel this information is essential.)

2.) Intimacy freaks me out (and I know I'm not alone here).

You may wonder where these two seemingly incongruous strains of information come from. Well, they don't particularly relate to each other, but in short, I have to do a television review for my Practical Journalism class. Of course I choose to review Sex & the City. A.) It's excellent and B.) it has excellent things to say.

However, watching Carrie Bradshaw while sorting out my very personal and self-indulgent British manhunt just reminds of what I am and what I am not. How do we forge intimacies when there are so many barriers to overcome? Why can't 'boys' and 'girls' just talk to each other? Furthermore, what hurdles do we have to overcome to just be 'normal' around other people? These are the questions that I am asking myself in a very maudlin and unanswerable way lately.

So, on that note, I have officially wasted another hour trying to be philosophical and downloading songs off the internet. Time to go pretend I'm Roger Ebert in 300-500 words.