Someone has too much time on their hands!

For anyone who hasn't ever heard of Craig's List, you have officially been informed -- check it out!.

Here's a sample listing:

Missed connections
The man in the wheelchair who attacked me ... - m4m

It was a beautiful night - the moon was almost full and there was a gentle breeze blowing as I walked to Wendy's for a late dinner. It was there where you made that first indelible impression on me, as your incessant bitching about the quality of your burger shattered my mealtime reverie. It was as if some irresistable, magnetic force drew me out of my seat, over towards you. As if it was meant to be, I interrupted your hideous abuse of the Wendy's staff, redirecting your full attention as well as the full force of your wrath onto myself.

Until yesterday, no one had ever chased after me with a cane before. I had never heard the words "I want your blood!" uttered by a man over seventy. In fact, I had never received a face-to-face death threat before, period - by anyone, ambulatory or otherwise.

I've learned so much from you.

My missed connection: The back of my Wendy's tray with your fucking face.

'dar don't fail me now!

Well, children, it looks like once again optimism has won out over common sense. In a heartbreaking (if I'm going to be dramatic about it) revelation yesterday, I learned that indeed my boss that I'm in love with is a homosexual. Can I pack up my things and get a dick now? Life would be easier if I just resigned myself to the fact that being a gay man would be the only way that I'll ever get lovin' from the kind of men that I actually want to get lovin' from.

Unless, of course you take into account the black male population of New York City; they just can't get enough of me! The other day a fellow by the name of Cameo asked me if we could walk and talk for a few minutes when I was on my way out of the subway. In a flash of stupidity I agreed -- perhaps it was just the fact that I was mind-boggled by the proposition at all. Well, a few mumbles and awkward conversation later, I was like, "I really have to be on my way now." And I resumed my brisk pace of walking and Cameo was left in the dust. I've discovered that men have to walk fast to roll with me.

I gave into some 'it's my birthday, and I should get presents' selfishness this week and went shopping. Tuesday was slutty day, and I visited stores like H&M and Le Chateau, which was actually a mild success. Wednesday was 'get nice clothes on sale' day, so I went to Banana and Ann Taylor Loft. I officially can't buy red for another year as I ravished ATL's supply of coral/red shirts on the sale rack. I am officially now a pink person. Maybe I'm just weak and changing my ways in response to the dearth of blue out there these days, or maybe I'm trying to provide a physical representation of what a hot tamale I am. I'll never know, but I'll look damn cute trying to figure it out.

So, with the sad, sad news of the futility of another love interest, I must bid adieu because I'm going to spend the afternoon with "my kinda people" at a theater dance class uptown.

Birthday countdown: 2 days!

The day nears...

Today I bought a shirt that makes a statement, and that statement is "I'm a big slut." In the oft-cited but rarely invoked mission to reformulate my image to that of an actual 21-year-old (which I will be in ... drum roll.. 5 days!), I went shopping today to find an outfit (or perhaps just a top) that would be appropriate for this Saturday's bar-hopping excursion. The bars we're going to hop are still as-yet undetermined, but I'm leaning towards Au Bar, one of Ian Schrager's New York boutique hotels (such as the Hudson) or one of NY's W hotels. They are all trendy, and thus, expensive, but damn it I shouldn't be worrying about such things because I refuse to buy my own drinks that night, and if enough people come I should be sufficiently drunk at one drink per person. There will be no wretching on July 20!

Moving on from that delightful note, the summer is going by in a flurry. Hard to believe I'll be home in just over 3 weeks. Harder to believe, it's already hump day this week! I don't think I truly appreciated the fact that I didn't have to go to the Madhouse today, but tomorrow when I have nothing to do until 8 p.m. (at which time I soak up the tapping expertise of Mr. Savion Glover), I think I'll be loving the freedom to not input shit into Beacher's stalker database. Now to decide whether I want to do my regular work-out in addition to the tapping. In the words of Natalie Sands from GJWTHF, "Decisions are the worst!"

So, other than seeing a deluge of Freed Musicals (Sunday = An American in Paris, tonight = The Barkleys of Broadway, Friday = Singin' in the Rain), I'm just trying to figure out how to look my sexy-best for Saturday night so that those model bitches don't even try to step to this. Riiiiiight.

Owt.

God bless the Film Forum

So, as I mentioned the other day, I 'discovered' the Film Forum recently due to their celebration of the fantastic MGM Freed Unit. Tonight I went to see Kiss Me, Kate, and I get there only to discover that it's in 3D. I'll admit, it's a bitch on the eyes, but so cool! And I'll tell ya, they milked the 3D fx for everything they were worth; any chance they had to throw something at the audience (dice, scarves, a chalice, you name it!), we got the object of choice visually hurled at us. Hell, even Bill Calhoun came plunging into the audience during "Why Can't You Behave". Anyone who doesn't like musicals won't give a crap what I'm talking about, but anyone who has an appreciation for song-and-dance should take the Freed Unit into account. Despite the fact that it was mass production, they did themselves proud. Tomorrow is An American in Paris, which won 8 Oscars. I'm going to have a dance-eriffic day: 2 dance classes and Gene Kelly. Somebody pinch me!

In other news, I totally forgot to tell me crazy goth chick subway story! I was on the subway the other day, minding my own business as usual, and these two crazy goth chicks sit down next to me (who I will presume are lesbians just to make the story more interesting on my end). Things start off without much event, but I notice that the one right next to me is reading Bret Easton Ellis's American Psycho, the movie of which I am a fan (largely in part to the beautiful, beautiful Christian Bale; I won't lie). Anyhow, I know the movie is graphic, but I sneak a peek over her shoulder and read a couple sentences, and this book is just heinously, horribly, painfully graphic. (If you've seen the movie, imagine how much more graphic hundreds, nay thousands, of words could be to describe the things that Patrick Bateman does to others, particularly women.) Anyhow, as I am recoiling in disgust at Bret Easton Ellis, the other girl takes the book (I guess it's hers), and begins to read the book aloud. Wha?! She continues this for about 5 minutes while a train full of innocent, unassuming subway riders (or heavily assuming, in my case) attempt to not listen. Finally, the other girl gets off at Union Square, where I have no doubt she sold her soul for some horse or perhaps some black eyeliner. I tell ya, not even the subways are safe these days. Down with Bloomberg!

What I'm Listening to Right Now (in no particular order)
1.) Beyonce - Crazy in Love
2.) Kane - Damn Those Eyes (my newest 'please write these words for me' song)
3.) Jason Mraz - Remedy (I Won't Worry)
4.) White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
5.) Ewan McGregor & Renee Zellweger - Here's to Love (and I did not put Jack White and Renee in direct succession on purpose, I swear)
6.) Evanescence - Bring Me to Life
7.) Christina Aguilera - Fighter (though only in anxious expectation of what Britney has to offer up next)
8.) Robbie Williams - Feel
9.) Norah Jones - More Than This (memories of Norwich)
10.) Matchbox20 - Bright Lights

Birthday countdown: 7 days!