Let's get interactive... and read about boners!

Okay kids... I've got this little ditty that I wrote in August. I read over it, and it's not as hideous and disjointed as I thought it was, though out-dated by a few months, but I had to get in Kelly!

I want suggestions, reactions, comments, corrections... whatever you're willing to give. Also, I'm trying to figure out where I could publish something like this. I think the Campus is a little too conservative for its subject matter -- they just got a sex column for Christ's sake, and the last topic I read was "boy fried, boyfriend; girl friend, girlfriend" --> vo-mit, vomit. And I don't think UEA's resident smutrag Concrete would lurve it because it's mostly about America.

So give me a shout out. Here goes... And there's no title, but I think you'll get the idea pretty quickly.

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A fine movie of the teenage persuasion recently issued a theory that women are secretly the leaders of the world. The main character – a teenage boy, I might add – said, “It’s no secret that women run the world. Trouble is, they have to carry out their job like the French Underground. They’re just not put in the right positions to be seen…”

It would appear that Hollywood and America agree.

Today mainstream perceptions of masculinity are represented by nothing more than mockery and contempt. On the other hand, women are host to more and more options and opportunities. Men are examples of carelessness, women control, and it’s apparent entirely in the way we view our bodies.

The latest fad in the teenage movie milieu has been to poke fun (pun intended) at the inability of any man to control his own penis. Boners are everywhere.

From 40 Days & 40 Nights to Sorority Boys to Wet, Hot American Summer, all the movies from blockbuster to indie are telling us that men are simpering fools who have neither control over their minds nor their bodies.

Granted, these are not the movies of the upper echelon of society, but then again the upper echelon of society is not the bread and butter of Hollywood.

Sad as it is, society has evolved to the point in which the minds of today’s youth are shaped largely by the television and film industries.

The process began in the ’30s, when youngsters listened to the radio and learned from the moxy of the war heroes of WWII; in the ’50s it was Beaver Cleaver and James Bond; even in the ’70s you had at worst Shaft and your average porn star á la Dirk Diggler; up until the ’80s and ’90s you had Charles in Charge or any Tom Cruise character who makes good in the end after bedding a few choice ladies.

Take ’em or leave ’em, these men were emblems of control and virility. Bond had his women whenever, wherever he wanted without so much as a rumpled shirt or disheveled hairdo (not to mention STD). Porn stars have to maintain their pleasure so that their viewers can get their money’s worth and then they have to aim for an appropriate region on their female counterpart’s body. And Charles, well he was in charge.

Women in these programs were subsidiaries. You had Donna Reed, the Bond seductresses who always got their come-uppance and several of the Baywatch babes who Scott Baio, a.k.a. Charles, took charge of.

So, speaking of evolution, since the election of 2000, most definitely the most media-ified election yet, men have been on the downslide. Let’s look at the candidates – a Republican monkey and a Democratic robot. Even though the robot’s wife is named Tipper, she and her counterpart in the Republican camp have probably gained a multitude more of respect than their so-called powerful husbands.

And that’s not at all to discount the political juggernaut that is Hilary Clinton. When stacked up against her husband – whose lack of self-control destroyed much of Arkansas, D.C., and one blue Gap dress – Hilary is set to be the ruler of the free world without breaking a sweat (or tousling her latest hairstyle).

Men these days are known for their boners. Deny it as they may, deny it as they might, men are the one’s we’ll be laughing at tonight… thanks to our residential television/VCR combo.

American Pie’s Jim had to hide his with a sock. Clinton probably doesn’t even know what the definition of an erection is. Comedy Central ripped on our current President with That’s My Bush. And these are the role models and heroes for a new generation of young men?

Simply put, no. They’re not. Men are moving over, and women are becoming the powerhouses of the new generation.

Take the recent victory of Kelly Clarkson in this summer’s American Idol.

Kelly’s personality and sheer power as a singer and performer has put her in the spotlight of America. She wins over stars and regular folks alike. Not to mention that 15 ½ million people voted in the final episode of American Idol, more than the total of those who voted in the 2000 election.

And who can blame them? Kelly and Justin were both much more intriguing and appealing than either candidate in the past election.

However, Kelly’s victory here is more than just a commercially derivative outcome to produce fresh meat for America’s celebrity meat market. Kelly is respected for her talent (control over her voice, specifically), and throughout the entire program never once wore an outfit highlighting her nether regions or her breasts (which are not surgically enhanced, thank you).

When we look at Kelly, Celine, Hillary and, for good measure, Buffy, we find the breeding ground (NO pun intended) for a new estrogen-fueled generation. And this is a good thing.

In the wake of September 11, a definitively masculine incident, there is a need for feminine energy. Women don’t need to pull out the phallic metal of an uzi, we’ve got an artistic and intellectual approach on our sides.

Think of men’s role models. George Bush, whose fondness for the word ‘evildoers’ gets us nowhere; athletes, who chiefly act through aggression and the mob ethic; maybe scientists, whose good deeds are far overshadowed by the creation of destruction – missiles, viruses for which there are no antidotes and other tools for massive chaos.

Now think of women’s role models. Diana, the would-have-been Queen of England, who crusaded against the landmines the men before her planted. Celine, Madonna, Tina Turner, etc., who wield far more public approval and power because they sing about love and emotion.

When you boil it down, men are losing their grip, and this evolution has manifested itself in entertainment, which claims more of the American psyche than politics and technology ever will. Where James Bond mutates into Austin Powers, Donna Reed becomes Kelly Clarkson, poised to claim her throne as the newest American Idol.