The New Pledge
(Care of the creator of the Simpsons):

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American, and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all, except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants and you if you don't watch your step.