A little something for my B'ham Girls:
Birmingham Barbie Glam
(thanks to Lauren Salter)

Just in time for the Christmas shopping season ... There are some new additions to the Barbie line based on the Birmingham Metro Area:

Homewood/Vestavia Hills Barbie
This pretentious bitch Barbie is only sold at Brookwood Village, she comes with Kenneth Cole 4 inch clunky shoes (actual size), an assortment of real Kate Spade handbags, a take-out box from Stignani's and a mini BMW convertible. Options include the Southside Nightclub Barbie which comes with a mini 9mm handgun and a Ray Lewis knife.

Bessemer Barbie
This thick Barbie comes with 4-inch long airbrushed curved nails, a blonde hair weave, excessive gold jewelry and caps, bling-bling, and is also available with the 'Lil Kim SUV with automatic weapons. Miniature Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes house burning lighter set sold separately.

Mountain Brook Barbie (that's me!)
This Barbie runs her own women's clothing and accessories store in Crestline VIllage... as a hobby. She graduated from the University of Alabama and was married the next day. Careful with this one, she ceases to function when she finally finds out that Dr. Ken has been boinking one of his surgical assistants since she had her first baby. Comes with set of 20 credit cards and full prescription of Zanex.

Down 280 Barbie
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the mini-SUV or mini-minivan vehicles, gets lost easily, and has no fulltime occupation or secondary education. Available and usually confused at any overpriced, low-quality specialty stores in Brook Highland. Also available to have discrete affairs with Ken's friends and coworkers. Traffic jamming' cell phone sold separately.

Shelby County (Pelham) Barbie
This special white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans that are 2 sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a
mini Coors Light in the can, a Hank Jr. CD set, can spit over 5 feet, and she can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A mini pickup is also available with Rebel flag bumper stickers and gun rack.

Crestwood Barbie
This model features Ken in a sequined cocktail dress, breast implants, press-on nails, and a really really bad wig. Details include a to-go cup from The Quest, a rainbow scarf, and a CD box set featuring Judy Garland, Britney Spears and assorted big show tunes.

Five-Points Barbie
This Barbie model features non-functional 10-inch platforms, over 12 body piercings, 14 tattoos, a purple-green hair
color, smells like an athlete, has no occupation, and is waiting on the curb at the fountain for the Homewood Barbie to return and pick her up.

Downtown Loft Barbie
This Barbie was previously a Trailer Trash Barbie, but was recently displaced by a new 25 to 30-year old Barbie that is actually a $80K/year Yuppie masquerading as a down/out artsy Barbie. Comes with a full black wardrobe from second hand stores.